New Normal.

Today marks my last day of freedom. Monday I begin full time work. It's decent pay in a good location. Most importantly it's a job, and may be our family's only one in a few months. A couple years ago I would have jumped a tall building to get away from boogers and tantrums for 8 hours. Now it makes me want to scream, because I realize how short this time is for childhood. This is not what I signed up for. But what is?

I've had a job before, but the flexibility was astounding, as was my former employers ability to drain the small business bank account before our paychecks could be cashed. I'm excited to have some corporate lawyers to call if mama can't cash her check. I am excited for adult conversation, lunches out and most certainly, a paycheck.

I did not breezily walk into motherhood. I was pulled into it kicking and screaming being dragged by one foot behind the truck. I understand that no one got me impregnanted except for myself. But regardless, I commenced 10 months of nausea with a child that screamed all night. All my friends from grad school had left town. So I was left across the country from my family, with a new husband, a new baby, no friends and really no life. I was not a gooey in love new mother. It was more instinct to keep this being alive that I had created. But keep you alive turned to like and like turned to love. If you don't believe in redemption in this life, I challenge you to let me tell you about how this little heart of mine can turn around. Instinct says keep yourself alive, children are the opposite of that.

Imperfection is a key to life. Accepting it. Sometimes it makes life better. My sweet child is pretty cute, but his imperfect eyesight led to glasses, which in my opinion, make his cuteness even cuter.

And here I am. This kid is the chili to my cheese dog. Some days were survival, some days were beautiful. One day on the playground a mother told me, "my kids don't watch much TV. Only 6 hours a day." I was pissed. Not that they watch that much TV, but that she would quantify it. You can't be proven guilty without any evidence, and she was showing a mom card. The mothers of the world work way too hard to give away any reasons to not receive the same glory of those who climb Everest. We all have our 12 hour TV days, but nobody talks about them and certainly never admits to them. It's like Fightclub. Either way, in good and bad, I had the luxury to shape him into the best being I knew how to make.I see no more valuable and impacting use of my time and energy.

I've had people tell me to my face that I was avoiding the challenge of a career by choosing to stay at home with my child. Different strokes, different folks. If that's not your calling, I support you. If it is, I support you. I assure you the last four years of my life haven't been breezy. Nor easy. Fulfilling? Yes. Hard as hell? Yes. The only consistent theme? Poop. Good? When all is said and done, yes.

Life changes in ways we never hope or expect. This job is my best option right now in the face of uncertainty and doubt. It's not perfect, but I assure you walking around unknowingly with spitup down your back and addicted to caffine isn't perfect motherhood either. So bust out the pumps (shoes, Dad) and nylons (no, mom) and countdown to vacation! Cheers.